Serious Thinking

I've taken a little mini vacation from work and from everyone and everything else at home. I've taken it for one very simple reason. I need to do some serious thinking. I need to do some serious thinking because I'm having second thoughts about whether or not to marry my fiance. I still love him very much, but the longer I live with him the more I notice about him things that I don't like. He doesn't manage money well, he is very possessive and jealous, he leaves housework for me to do when I get home from a long weekend at work and he is not a very considerate lover. These are just some of the things I have noticed since we moved in together back in May. We haven't had any fights except for when I was breifly off of my medication. But part of that could be my fault because I haven't told him whats been bothering me. The thing is, is that I don't think telling him would help anything. I don't see him being able to change no matter how much he loves me. So while I'm on this little mini vacation of mine I'm going to do some serious thinking about what I want and need in a relationship and hopefully come to the conclusion that is right for me. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Light! It's been since February since I last posted on this thing! Talk about being a slacker! Bad Christy! LOL.

Anyhoo, here is a very quick update on whats been going on. My boyfriend John proposed to me on my birthday (two days after my most recent post) and I accepted. In May we moved into our own place and I started working in a new town but the same job. And thats as brief as it gets.

I have been writing more poetry though which I wanted to share with you all. Now keep in mind, both of these poems are first drafts only and have yet to be edited. I hope you enjoy them.

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Heart's Desire

Inside one world I am logic reborn.
I do only that which is reasonable,
logical.
My heart's desire knows no place.
It is dead like a corpse,
rotting 'neath the ground.
I play by the rules,
do as I'm told,
never live only for me.

I am lost in a maze that is
this world of logic,
where dangers lurk 'round corners
and hands of reason reach out for me.
Running! Running! As fast as I can.
Breathing heavily, searching, searching
for the exit; it eludes me.
Right or left, back the way I came?
Turning in circles, crying out for a way home.

There it is! An exit to the other world,
I crave, for to be free and let live
my heart's desire at long last.
There are no rules that love cannot conquer.
I know the way is to follow my heart's
every desire.
In my past, a distant memory,
I leave and lose myself in a
world oh so divine!

Christine L. Taplin
August 8th, 2008

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yearning

Yearning. Longing for that which I cannot have.
A touch, a stolen kiss. I desire him evermore.
I must fill this longing within my soul,
I can be empty no longer. Light let it be so.
One day we will be together. Completeing,
each other, and making ourselves whole.
Until that day a yearning will fill my soul.

Christine L. Taplin
August 24th, 2008

Sick

Being sick is not very fun. I've been sick with something since the seventh. It started out that I was just feeling really weak and crappy, not to mention sore and very tired. Then it changed over to a cough and sore throat, which is what it still is. I know I shouldn't but I'm still going about my normal routine as much as possible. I can't let a little cold keep me down, not when its so darn hard to find a replacement for work. Plus, I've never been one to stay down for longer than need be or listen to a doctor. Haha! I'll be over it soon enough though and if not then I'll go ahead and go to the doc and get a prescription. But I always try to get rid of it on my own first. I hope I get rid of it quickly though as my birthday is coming up and I don't want to be sick on my birthday.

Working Overnight

Wow! Can you believe that I'm posting again so soon after my last post?! Pretty spiffy huh? Anyway, on to the post.

I'm working the overnight shift at work tonight. I worked my normal two to ten shift and now am working from ten tonight until eight in the morning. Working the overnight should be pretty easy now that one of my clients has been moved to the house next door and I won't have to get up in the middle of the night to check on her. I'll get to sleep most all night, but I'll have to get up early to get meds doled out and get the ladies ready to go to the center. I don't mind the overnight part quite so much since all I'm doing is sleeping. It's the morning stuff I hate. Having to get the ladies ready, medicate and feed them.

Despite my complaints and my regret about agreeing to do this there are two positives that come with it. One is that I'll get extra hours. Albeit the extra hours are at a lower rate of pay, but its still extra hours. Also, my boss agreed that if I work tonight that she would give me my birthday off and two days in March that I want off. All I have to do is e-mail her the dates and she'll arrange it. I'm going to take those days off as either sick days or vacation days. I've already acrued quite a bit of both and haven't used any yet, so might as well use them.

Well folks, that's all I have to write about tonight. I need to be getting to sleep anyway. Five am comes pretty early and it's already almost eleven. Goodnight all and sweet dreams!

Christine

Update

Wow! I can't believe that its been very nearly a year since I last posted here. I'm surprised they haven't deleted my account yet, seeming as how I post so infrequently. But maybe they just like me or something.

Anyway, this is what's going on in my life right now.

I lost the para job back in May. They said there wouldn't be any open positions for me come the following school year. I was devastated and cried a lot. I eventually got over it though.

I worked strictly at Sears over the summer and just did my best to make ends meet on such a meager salary. Just this last December I finally gave Sears my two weeks notice and quit that job. But don't worry, I had another job already lined up.

My new job that I've been with since mid October is for a company called OCCK Inc. They assist people with disabilities and try to help them lead better and more productive lives. As for me I'm a Residential Trainer. I work in one house that has five ladies in it. My job is to make sure that they are taking care of themselves, such as eating, showering and taking meds, and also to take care of them. One of them requires you to feed her cause she can't feed herself, another one needs help in the shower, etc. It's a good paying job. My highest paying job ever at $9/hr. It's also full time work with benefits and I usually end up getting more than 40 hours a week.

I like the job ok, but the longer I'm here the more I'm realizing that this isn't quite what I wanted to do. So recently I have updated my resume and references and within the next two weeks or so I'm going to start looking for another job. I have to wait a little while because if I leave my job before 90 days have passed the company will make me pay them back $105 for the background checks and stuff they had to do. It hasn't quite been 90 days yet.

John, my boyfriend, and I are still going strong. We celebrated our one year anniversery back in mid November. We also got our pictures taken at WalMart. I'll try and get one up soon. John is planning on moving to Salina after he finishes school in May. I'm so excited. Once he gets settled in we're going to move in together. I can't wait to be living with him 24/7 instead just on the weekends.

Well, that's about all that's going on. Oh, except for the fact that my family is hosting and exchange student. But I'll write about him later. I'm on the computer while at work and I'm not supposed to be. Haha! I'm so bad! Anyway, enjoy the update and take care all!

Hugs!

Christine

I got really stressed out today. The main kid that I have throughout the day at work was gone for the first half of the day. Not a big deal, obviously. I could have found something to do and still be productive. But instead I was thrust into filling an absent para's position where I didn't know what to do or what was really going on. They gave me her schedule and told me to follow it with no more direction than that unless I asked.

So basically I was left to fumble through everything in an unfamiliar job on my own. Granted I myself am a para, but the job I had to do today was different from what I normally do by a long shot. It was no fun at all and very stressful. It was stressful because I hate not knowing what to do or how to do something and I hate having to ask others for help and depend on others for direction. It was a horrible day at work.

How irritating . . .

Today has not been the best of days. I had a doctors' appointment today to check on the effectiveness of my medications. The appointment went well and my medication is working like it should. But what I found out during my appointment made me kind of upset.


I found out that my claim to be on patient assistance (a program that helps me get one of my medications for free) had been denied. What is worse though is that I found out that it had been denied back in February and no one had bothered to even tell me! How irritating! And to top it all off, now I'm going to have to get this medication through the pharmacy and will have to start paying for it. I do have prescription insurance but it's still going to cost a pretty penny. This is not a cheap medication by any means.


That was the big killer of my day. The other killer was some difficult students at work just really testing my patience, which I had little of today. But other than those two things the day was alright.