The Heart and Blood

Today was going pretty good as was yesterday. But things kind of went down hill during nutrition class tonight. During one of our breaks I was working on filling out an application for a job. I pointed out something to my neighbor (whom I'm sort of friends with) on the application that I thought was rather stupid and she damn near bit my head off! My neighbor is the kind of girl that tends to take her own stress out on others and not even realize that she is doing it. She also doesn't seem to like to spend too much time with me. Basically, if she snaps at me like she did tonight I know it's time to back off and just leave her the h e double hockey stick alone for about a week or so. It really sucks too because she is a nice girl and I want to be able to be her friend without having to worry about if she is going to get upset at me for something when really she is just upset about something going on in her life. Normally her doing this would not have bothered me and I would have just shrugged it off. But tonight for some reason it really hurt. Stupid I know but it did. Now I've never had a real knife go through my heart, but when she did what she did it felt like that might feel. I actually felt a real pain in my chest where my heart is. But I always get that feeling when I get hurt or when I have to hurt someone. Not that I ever want to or try to hurt people.

I don't know, maybe I'm just too damn sensitive for my own good. Goodness knows I've always had a big heart. Everyone in my family says so. Sometimes though I can't help but wonder if maybe having such a big heart is a curse. Granted, most people (in the masses-I'm not naming names) don't have much of a heart or even as big of a heart as I do. Too many people these days care only about themselves and their little world and not enough about others. Me, on the other hand, I care a lot about other people. I can't stand to see someone hurting and I can't stand to hurt people. I always, always put others before myself and go out of my way when possible in order to make sure others are happy, putting myself last. My mom says it is my big loving heart that makes me this way and I like being this way. But sometimes I want to be selfish, I want to be able to care only about myself and my little world. But it is hard for me to do that. Very hard.

Speaking of hearts, I gave blood today. I like to give blood. Although it hurts some and takes a lot of my time I always feel as if I'm helping out so many people when I go to give blood. I tried to give blood at a blood drive about two months or so ago but I couldn't because the amount of iron in my blood was at 37%. The Red Cross wants it to be at least 38% or they don't think that it is healthy for you to donate. And being a woman my iron level is always bouncing around, especially during that time of the month. Today's donation took about two hours but that was because there was so many people there. Once I finally did get to one of the special chairs where they have you sit while the blood goes into the bag, the collection only took ten minutes. I always make sure to hydrate myself really well before going to give blood. It makes the donation part go a lot quicker. You know, I've been donating blood ever since I started college back in 1999. And since my named changed I have donated 10 pints of blood. That's two pints over a gallon! How many I donated before my name changed I don't know but I think its pretty cool. I like the fact that when I donate blood, the blood I donate can help to save someone else's life. I know that someday if I am ever in the hospital and need blood, that someone else will have donated and thanks to their donation I can be helped too. It's a great feeling.