Justice and Selfishness

I've been working on a story lately, a controversial one, that I think I am actually going to finish. Most of my stories, I'll start them, but I can never get past the first chapter before I get writers block. So I have a lot of starter stories, but I've never been able to finish them. This one though, this one I'm already on the third chapter and I don't foresee any writers block at all. I hope that's the case. *knocks on wood* This story that I'm writing is about a young woman from a rich family that is trying to make it on her own because she doesn't like the whole rich person lifestyle. But that isn't what makes the story somewhat controversial. What makes it that way is the fact that the main character is a lesbian and she gets wrongfully accused of a case of sexual assault. I'm thinking that I'm going to call it... Justice; Just Another Meaningless Word Pretty cool huh? I think so.

I was recently told by someone close to me, that the guy that broke up with me back in September is doing ok. I'm glad to know that. He still means a lot to me and I still miss him. I can't help but wonder if he regrets what he did or if he ever will. Not that I want him to regret it. I just want him to be happy. But it would make for a bit of ironic revenge.

I don't know how I feel about anything anymore, especially about men and my ex in particular. I've lost all desire for any relationship with anyone and my desire for intimate relationships. The intimate part is what is weird for me because I've always had a high sex drive.

Could it be that I've been hurt so many times that this last time was just the icing on the cake that made the mountain that was my heart crumble? Can I ever rebuild the mountain? I have in the past, maybe I still can. But right now I don't really want to. I feel like I need to be depressed and self centered. For once in my life I need to do things with only myself in mind. It will be hard. I'm not used to being selfish, but I think that I can do it. My geometry teacher from high school would always say to me "Christina never quit! Don't you ever quit!" Even though he always said my name wrong and he was talking about not quiting when it came to math, his words have stuck with me ever since and they've helped me through so much in my life. Maybe it's those words that I need to remember right now to help me through this.